In the beginning

There is a skinny girl inside of me, and I'm tired of shutting her up with chocolate.

I've been fat for as long as I can remember.  I'm not actually skinny and just trying to get some sympathy - I'm really just fat.  Some days, I don't really think about it, but on those days when I can't get my pants to button, or I don't fit into the seat at the movie theatre, or I can't squeeze into the booth at the restaurant, I can't think about anything else.  Like a lot of people, I have lost some weight only to gain it all back, and then some.  I don't want to have those days anymore.

I want to be able to shop at stores that don't have "women's" sizes.  I want to walk up the stairs without being out of breath.  I want to sit in a chair without worrying that my gigantic thighs are hanging over the edges.  I want to be able to talk to someone without thinking that they are counting my chins.

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but I do want to be realistic.  I will turn 40 in July, so I am setting a tentative goal of losing 40 pounds by then.  I don't think it's impossible, and I don't think it's going to be easy, but I do think I can do it.

Here I go!