Jessica Simpson can suck it

Last night, while I was watching TV instead of exercising like I knew I should be, one of Jessica Simpson's Weight Watcher's commercials came on.  I've never liked her, I think she's just a no-talent hack with big boobs and pushy parents.  (See also: anyone whose last name is Jenner or Kardashian.)  I actually changed the channel as quickly as I could because the sight of her strutting around in her skinny jeans, loving on Weight Watchers, made me want to break something.  Here's the thing - if I had a paid endorsement deal, a team of personal trainers, a nanny, a personal chef, and no job, I could totally lose 100 pounds.  Easy peasy lemon squeezy.  But I don't.  

I have a family to feed, a job that requires my attention from 7:30 to 4:30 every week day, two kids who need help with homework, sports practice and games, a husband who can rarely find the TV remote, and every other thing that every other non-famous person has.  It is hard for me to find the time to do the things that need to be done just so that we all start the day in clean clothes.   I don't care how easy Weight Watchers was for Jessica Simpson - she is not a realistic representation of my future skinny self. 

I know that WW has meetings and tons of resources for anyone who wants to pay for them, so please don't think that I'm knocking their program.  It's that in my warped fat head, what I'm actually thinking is that I don't want to do anything that might remotely resemble something that Jessica Simpson would do.   She is my weight loss nemesis.   I want to hold her down and feed her an entire cake and also maybe some lard.  I want her to admit that she has all the time in the world to exercise because she doesn't have to even leave the house to earn an income.  I want her to be less perky and more realistic about how working out makes her want to punch her trainer in the eye, but because of the bicep curls she's been doing, she's pretty sure she can't lift her arm anymore.

I don't want "success" stories - I want "this sucked and I thought it would be impossible and I was sure that I would die more than once from lack of chocolate and/or french fries and an overabundance of sit-ups but I did it anyway and I haven't died yet" stories.  Where are those commercials?